Author: wendyckasten

As a retired teacher and professor of literacy, I now in my retirement spend time writing novels, poetry, creative nonfiction, radio essays, and picture books. My foremost audience is young readers ages 11-14. But I also write stuff for grown-ups. After years of academic writing for textbooks, chapters, and refereed journals, AND years of being Associate Editor of The Reading and Writing Quarterly, sitting on various editorial advisory boards, reading and critiquing hundreds of article drafts, mentoring my own grad students and junior faculty - I decided there needs to be a place to go and learn. Learning what you need to know to succeed can pave the path for a very successful career. You'll find some on my website.

Money Matters$$.

December 6, 2025December 13, 2025 wendyckasten

Wendy C. Kasten

Shop Around to Save Money
Sometimes, we get into a rut with shopping, visiting the same stores or online retailers. However, it could save money shopping around for items we need. Here are some suggestions:

Jot down prices of items you buy regularly, such as health and beauty products, vitamins, food, paper products, etc. Try a different store with your list and compare prices of things you normally buy. There may be some savings. Don’t assume that smaller stores are more expensive. Find out for yourself.
Many of us have to go to Bangor, Augusta, or even Portland. Check out stores in those places to compare prices. For example, I found several produce items I use regularly to be less expensive at a store in Bangor than in Belfast.
Bangor offers Sam’s Club and BJ’s. These retailers charge an annual membership fee, but you might save more than the amount of the fee in a single visit. Quantities are greater. For example, toilet paper comes in packages of 48. CeraVe lotion comes in a package of two. Other items such as, coffee, olive oil, and protein powder come in a single larger container. I saved more than $30 on my first visit on a health-related product I use daily that was sold in a package of three. Overall, the membership fee had paid for itself by the completion of my first visit. Be cautious of assuming that everything in these “clubs” is less expensive. Know how much you spend on regularly used items and compare the prices.
Do not assume all pharmacies charge the same amount for prescriptions. If there is more than one pharmacy that accepts your insurance, compare pricing on prescriptions or other items you need regularly.
The first Tuesday of the month is SENIOR DAY at all Walgreen’s stores. Plan your visits to obtain non-prescription needs such as, vitamins, aspirin, cough and cold remedies, nuts, greetings cards, etc. Anything currently on sale is not eligible for the 20% discount, however everything else is. The cashier will adjust your total upon checkout. I always ask how much I saved; it’s generally around $40.00!
Shop around for gasoline. An IPhone APP called Gas Buddy tells you all the gas prices in the area (if you have location services turned on in your settings). Certain gas stations in our area are consistently cheaper or more expensive. Irving stations and others offer discounts for having their rewards card. The card can be applied for in person or on their website. It is an alternate debit card attached to one of your bank accounts. At the pump or in their stores, if you pay with their card instead of your regular credit card, the prices are sometimes less. At Irving stations, fuel is 10 cents less per gallon. Purchases earn you reward points that can accumulate for benefits.

Senior College, Senior College Class

PFAS!

December 6, 2025December 13, 2025 wendyckasten

Senior College, Senior College Class

Dementia Prevention: Using Your Head to Save Your Brain

December 6, 2025December 13, 2025 wendyckasten

Book Review

2023, Johns Hopkins Press.
Authors: Emily Clionsky, M.D. & Mitchell Clionsky, Ph.D.
Reviewer: Wendy C. Kasten, Ph.D.

Married couple Emily Clionsky, a physician and Mitchell Clionsky, a neuropsychologist combine their areas of expertise to write an informative book focusing on different kinds of dementias. This well-written book first defines dementias, including but not limited to Alzheimers. The authors distinguish the typical aging process from more serious and worrisome cognitive issues.
Subsequent chapters examine the genetics of dementias, various medical events or conditions associated with increased risks, such as hypertension, Type II Diabetes, and midlife obesity (See Dr. Carol Kuhn’s useful article on Hypertension in the winter 2023 issue of Village-Wise).
As the daughter of a parent who died of Alzheimer’s disease, I especially appreciated the chapter on lifestyle choices, such as the important role of sleep, which can help reduce the risk of acquiring Alzheimer’s disease (Refer to Carol Kuhn, M.D.’s helpful article in the spring 2023 issue of Village-Wise). Clionsky and Clionsky also describe a risk assessment model that would be useful for readers to study and understand.
Some readers may shy away from reading nonfiction, thinking it dry. However, Emily Clionsky, M.D. and Mitchell Clionsky, Ph.D. have written an engaging book, peppered with examples from their practices and their own research. For some of us, this may be the most important book we buy and read this year!

Senior College, Senior College Class

“To Sleep, Perchance to Dream…”

December 6, 2025December 13, 2025 wendyckasten

Carol Kuhn, MD

Most healthy older adults, age 65 or older, need 7-8 hours of sleep each night to feel rested and alert. But as we age, our sleep pattern may change.
Keep in mind that you may need less sleep as you age. Some people need only 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night, but most people do better with between 7 and 9 hours. Sleep usually occurs in three-hour cycles, so it’s important you get at least 3 uninterrupted hours of sleep.

Insomnia (trouble sleeping), sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome (RLS), and periodic limb movement disorder (PLMD) are all causes of sleep disturbance.

Common sleep changes in older adults include:
◦ Getting tired early in the evening
◦ Waking up earlier in the morning
◦ Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep
◦ Having insomnia, which is a condition that makes it hard to fall asleep, and/or stay asleep
◦ Falling asleep during the day, including while driving

Older adults often see their sleep–wake cycle change. This can be caused by many different factors, including:
◦ Your body’s chemicals, and hormones. For example, as you age, your body produces less melatonin. This is a natural hormone that regulates your sleep cycle.
◦ Certain medicines, including anti-depressants, beta blockers, and cardiovascular drugs.
◦ Dealing with pain.
◦ Diabetes and prostate issues can contribute to sleep disturbance and make you fatigued as you wake up multiple times to urinate.
◦ Congestive heart failure or kidney disease. You may have trouble lying flat and getting comfortable enough to fall asleep.

If you find yourself sleeping in a recliner, waking up many times throughout the night, it is important to talk to your health provider. Underlying health problems may be the cause of your sleeping issues.

Insomnia

Insomnia is a sleep disorder that happens when you have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or both. Acute insomnia is short-term trouble sleeping. It may last a few weeks and then go away. Chronic insomnia is when your sleeping problem happens several nights a week and lasts for more than a few months. Insomnia is common in older adults, and more women than men have it.

Primary insomnia isn’t well understood. Things that can cause this kind of insomnia include:

· Life changes

· Long-lasting stress or emotional upset

· Travel or work schedules that disrupt your sleep routine

· Habits you form to deal with your lack of sleep (naps, worrying about sleep, going to bed too early)

Secondary insomnia is insomnia caused by symptoms or a side effect of another problem. They include:

· Emotional conditions: depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder

· Neurological disorders: Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s disease

· Pain conditions: arthritis, headaches disorders

· Gastrointestinal disorders: heartburn, GERD

· Sleep disorders: restless leg syndrome or sleep apnea

· Breathing disorders: asthma, heart failure, or chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD)

Insomnia can sometimes occur in families.

Sleep apnea
Sleep apnea is a common sleeping disorder. It causes a person’s breathing to stop and start, while sleeping. People who have sleep apnea often snore loudly. You stop breathing for 10 to 30 seconds at a time. When you start breathing again, you gasp or snort, which can wake you up. This can occur hundreds of times in a single night. Each time you wake up, it disturbs your sleep pattern. It can be harmful if you stop breathing for too long. It also causes high blood pressure, which increases your risk of a heart attack.

To treat sleep apnea, health providers typically prescribe patients a CPAP mask, which stands for continuous positive airway pressure mask. A CPAP machine sends a flow of pressurized air into the persons, mouth and nose as she sleeps. This helps keep the individual’s airway open to allow normal breathing.

Restless leg syndrome (RLS)
RLS is a condition in which you have leg pain or discomfort. It occurs when you are sitting or lying down. It can feel like your legs won’t be still. RLS can make it hard for you to sleep and it can be quite annoying.

Periodic limb movement disorder (PLMD)
PLMD is a condition in which you kick your legs while you sleep. Most of the time, you are unaware of your kicking. If you have a bed partner, they may tell you about it. It can prevent good sleep and cause daytime fatigue. Some people may have both RLS and PLMD.

Things to consider for good “sleep hygiene”. Sleep hygiene refers to maintaining daily routines in a bedroom environment that promotes consistent, quality sleep. If you find your sleep- wake cycle has changed as you get older, you might consider these tips helpful:

◦ Go to bed and get up at the same time each day, even on the weekends.
◦ Do not take naps longer than 20 minutes during the day.
◦ Do not read, watch TV, check your phone, or eat in bed. Only use your bedroom for sleep, intimacy, or sickness.
◦ Avoid caffeine for about eight hours before bedtime.
◦ Avoid nicotine and alcohol in the evening (4 to 6 hours before you go to bed). Alcohol might help you fall asleep, but it can cause you to wake up in the middle of the night.
◦ Have a “wind down” period each night before bedtime. Try yoga postures for loosening up the body before bedtime. Try practicing yoga breathing.
◦ Make sure you have the right mattress. In general, a medium firm mattress has the minimum standard for good spine alignment in comfort.
◦ Keep the bedroom dark and free of white light from electronic devices. If you need some dim light, amber light is better than white light or blue light. Amber is midway between yellow and orange. It helps promote secretion of the sleep hormone melatonin. White or blue light interferes with the secretion of melatonin.
◦ Do not lie in bed for a long time trying to go to sleep. After 30 minutes of trying to sleep, get up and go to a different room. Do something quiet, such as reading or listening to music. Do not do anything that stimulates your brain. Then, go back to bed and try to fall asleep. This seems to be very difficult for a person to do; to get out of bed and go to another room seems counterintuitive. But it really helps.
◦ Try to be active each day. Regular exercise will often help you rest better. But do not exercise vigorously within two hours of bedtime.
◦ Ask your health provider if any of your medicines could be keeping you awake at night.

Alcohol and caffeine use deserve further discussion. Not only does alcohol affect aging, but consuming alcohol, especially in excess, has been linked to poor sleep quality and duration. A normal sleep pattern includes four distinct stages. Consuming alcohol before bedtime could have a suppressive effect on the REM sleep during the first two sleep cycles. This can diminish overall sleep quality. Dreams typically occur during REM sleep, which is restorative, and it is important for cognition, learning, and memory.

Caffeine stimulates the central nervous system, which can create a rush of energy. It quickly boosts alertness in the brain. These effects can be detrimental to getting good sleep. Studies have shown that caffeine typically prolonged sleep latency, reduced total sleep time and sleep efficiency.

So, the best way to prevent sleep disorder is to develop a good sleep routine. It may be helpful to keep a sleep diary: keep track of when you went to bed, how long you’re in bed before you fall asleep, how often you woke up during the night, what time you got up in the morning, how well you slept, the time and length of any naps, how you felt during the day (sleepy or alert), what you drank (caffeine or alcohol and at what time), when you exercised. You can review this with your health provider and identify patterns and conditions that are affecting your sleep.

The best way to treat sleep disorder is with behavioral therapy. It usually includes learning ways to relax and not worry as much about sleep. You can learn muscle relaxation and deep breathing exercises to help you relax. This is often as effective as prescription sleeping medicines. There are some over-the-counter (OTC) sleep aids that can be used for a short period of time. But be sure to check with your health provider and don’t drink alcohol while you are taking over-the-counter sleep aids. In some cases, your health provider may prescribe short-term medication to help you. Regular use of prescribed medication may lead to rebound insomnia. Your insomnia comes back even worse than before.

A good way to relax is to focus on your breathing by taking slow, deep breaths while counting to five. Then listen to the sound of your breath as you breathe out. You can also try to tighten and relax the muscle groups in your body. Begin at your feet and work your way up to your face and head. Listening to relaxation music may also help. Remember, it’s important every night to review your day and go over what you could and couldn’t control. You deserve your rest, sleep is critical to your overall health; it affects your immune function, hormone regulation, thinking ability, and mental health. A good day begins with a good night’s rest.

Resources:

1. Shakespeare, William. Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1.

Holder, Susan DO, and Narula, Navjot, MD, MB. Common Sleep Disorders in Adults: Diagnosis and Management. American Family Physician, Volume 105, Number 4, April 2022.

Castanda, Ruben, Why Is It Harder to Sleep When You Get Older? U.S. News &World Report, January 26, 2023.

Insomnia, familydoctor.org. Resources: National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute: Insomnia.

Sleep Changes in Older Adults, familydoctor.org. Resources: National Sleep Foundation.

Senior College, Senior College Class

Swedish Death Cleaning, or Getting Rid of Too Much Stuff

November 4, 2025December 13, 2025 wendyckasten

Wendy C. Kasten

One summer, my friend Martha finally lost her mother after an extended illness. She was the oldest of four children, and there were more than 8 grandchildren. The siblings had to get busy to empty the home where their folks had lived for the last decade or so of their life.

What an ordeal!

When they began tackling the four bedroom colonial, with a two car garage, outbuildings, attic, and basement, the siblings learned some things they didn’t really know about their folks – they were packrats. They’d saved every item of clothing they’d ever purchased, although very little of it still fit. They’d saved every canceled check and bank statement, and tax returns going back to when they got married in the early 1940’s.

Quite a few family members sacrificed their summer to clean up after this couple in their 80’s. They hadn’t done anything to make that process easier for their heirs. After children and grandchildren opted for things they wanted, it hadn’t made a dent.

A complicating factor was that as the memory failed the older couple, if they could not find things like a pair of scirssors, tape, or batteries which they knew they’d bought, they just bought more. So the family members cleaning up filled sorted cartons on the dining room table and nearly filled boxes of rolls of tape, scissors, and other common household items.

They hired one of those enormous bins normally seen on construction sites, And the company came and emptied it seven times. I think they made an attempt at a yard sale. But even after that, they hired an auction company to handle the rest and pay them some share of profits.

What we Value

Part of Swedish Death Cleaning is sorting out in these later years what MATTERS, what you VALUE, and what you NEED. Or what brings you joy. And not leaving a big mess behind.

Everything else is just stuff.

I still hear shock from folks my age that their kids and grand kids aren’t interested in stuff they thought they counted on passing down. What? They don’t want my beautiful dining room furniture? We dwell on what we paid for it, or when we got it, or where. And maybe all the family members associated with something. To us as the procurers, those things have value. To others, they do not. I gather stories from folks my age about things their parents thought were extremely valuable – which fetched about $10 in a thrift shop.

In many ways, our belongings tell the story of our lives. Our book shelves stand like trophies to all we read. But who’s reading those books now? Or are they simply colelcting dust? Taking up space?

Our furniture – some things were major purchases. Maybe we waited a long time for that special dining room set, or oriental carpet, or antiques. They mean something to us. But not necessarily to anyone else.

Here’s one I struggle with: I’ve visited over 50 countries. My home is filled with Turkish carpets, Portuguese pottery, Dutch Delft, a Swiss music box, fine art from Africa and Australia, sheepskin from New Zealand, table cloths from France, place mats from Italy, glassware from Ireland…to name a few. And what about the sweet little gifts from International students: a plate, a picture, a scarf, a decoration I don’t even know the name for. I don’t know what to do with those.

SO, if the suggestions I make in this article make it seem easy, that’s not the case. Some things are easier. And that’s where we’ll begin.

This is written to be informative specifically to people living in mid-coast Maine, but also more generally to be applicable to anyone.

Books

Lots of communities now have “Little Free Libraries,” even if they call it something else. These landmarks the size of small wall cabinets contain used books. “Take a book, leave a book” is a common sentiment on a sign. Often these gain new books year round, until they are self-sustaining as people leave books and take books regularly.

In Waldo County, Maine, these little libraries are located on Bridge Street, Wales Park, High Street, the “Commons”, at Searsport Elementary School, at East Belfast Elementary School, at the Transfer Station, at Swan Lake Grocery, on the causeway to Sears Island, and on the corner of Miller and Court. Private ones are located on Perkins Rd (2, actually) and Head of the Tide road. The Y has a book exchange cart in the lobby. Additionally, there are two in Northport, one in Liberty, one or more in Unity, one in Swanville outside Mary’s Oak Hill Barn. There may be others I don’t know about.

Many libraries and churches sponsor used book sales. You may ask around, or post the question on facebook as to what local outlets there are. Many towns have used book stories that may buy books.

Furniture, Home Goods, Tools

This is going to vary greatly by area. Ask around about thrift shops and consignment shops specializing in home goods.

First, check your area for a “Re-Store.” These are affiliated with Habitat for Humanity. Restores tkae furniture, appliances, beds, sinks, lighting fixtures, excess flooring material, carpets, appliances, windows, and doors. Additionally, odds and ends for building like electrical supplies, wire, cabinet knobs, nails, leftover lumber, hardware, tools, etc.

These establishments are generally run by volunteers, so check the website or by phone for hours and what they may or may not be accepting at any one time.

Some communities have Home Consignment Shops. You’ll only get a portion of the same. But that might be better than nothing.

In Waldo County, check out The Robin’s Nest on Route 1 in Belfast. Call ahead for hours and what days they accept merchandise.

Spring and summer are great times for yard sales. They’re lots of work, but it can move a great deal of material in a short time.

Some neighborhoods cooperate and have yard sales or garage sales all on the same date. This brings in mpore buyers – especially serious ones. Consider starting one!

Some junk shops will give you something for goods. Others operate on donations. Ask around in your area. In Waldo County, check out Mary’s Oak Hill Barn in Swanville. Her thrift shop in open weekends, but still, check with her for details. Her phone is listed on the internet.

Clothing

Many communities have stores dedicated to Children’s clothing, as well as stuff like car seats, cribs, toys, and book. In Waldo County, check out Minnows in Reny’s Plaza.

Adult women’s clothing can be consigned at Serendipity in Camden, or at SHE in Belfast. Check websites for rules, hours, and specifics about types of items they accept. Always call ahead.

High end men’s clothing can be consigned at Curate in Rockland. Check ahead on what and when they accept and their rules.

Thrift shops run by churches and charities are always an option. Donations support good causes. Generally, they are less picky about what they accept. But, of course, check the website. Heavenly Threads in Camden is one example of a large store wtih a great variety of inventory.

ThredUp is an online business that makes it easy for you to participate. Request one or more bags online, and they arrive, already addressed back to them, postage paid. Fill the big bag, or two, and drop it off at a UPS store of affiliate. They do ALL the hard work. You can get paid for items that sell, or you can request credit to shop.

Auction Houses

Have an overwhelming amount of stuff? Consider contacting an auction house. They do all the work. They give you a percentage. This is their business. They recognize things of value and price accordingly. Ask friends or post on social media that you are looking for a reputable company. Normally, you make the decision in advance about what you want done with itmes that don’t sell. For example, they may donate them to various charities.

Refugee Resettlement

If you live in a city actively engaged in refugee resettlement, there is probably an agency or volunteer organization attached. Refugees arrive with nothing and need some of everything. It may be a way to move a lot of goods and know you’re doing someone a favor contributing to those creating a new life in a strange land.

Paint

In Maine, any store that sells paint must also accept leftovers for recycling. But call ahead, in case their receptacle is full, and when they will be able to accept more. In other states, find out how paint is disposed of properly.

For paint cans with very small amounts, you can leave the can open for a few weeks, after which it’s generally acceptable to dispose it with household trash. Check locally for rules and guidelines.

Full or almost full cans might be accepted by Habitat for Humanity, especially if there’s a build in progress and that paint could cover a hallway, bathroom, closet, etc. Check with your ReStore.

Vocational Schools with carpentry projects may welcome leftover paints for student projects.

Selling On Facebook Marketplace.

Personally, I’ve had great luck selling on Facebook marketplace. And young folks looking to furnish a new home or apartment are very tied in to using Facebook.

Marketplace makes it easy. It has explicit directions how to post, add a photo, set a price, etc.

You have an opportunity to select multiple outlets, such as getting your ad to several nearby counties. I generally advertise to places within an hour drive,

I always specify cash only. I recommend it. Don’t sign up for Venmo or Zelle just because a potential buyer wants it to be convenient for them.

Facebook has trolls, That’s people who aren’t real buyers. Here’s some things to pay attention to.

Look at when the potential buyer joined. If they just joined, be suspicious,
Look and see if they have a buyer or seller rating. Everyone gets to rate everyone else at the close of a sale. It comes in handy.
If someone asks for your phone number right off, it’s probably a troll.
If someone offers you more money than you are asking, that’s suspicious. Cease communication.
If someone says they work abroad and they are sending the money via some other means, that’s a red flag. Cease communication.
Never accept a personal check, money order, or bank check (unless you can verify a local bank by phone and that person is a customer).
If the written communication contains English language errors, it may be an overseas scam operation.
I always check the box for local sales only. No messing with shipping.
I immediately ask a potential buyer what town they are from. They are more likely to be a real buyer, if they have local knowledge. A bit more communication about where they work, or if they are native born can give you a better sense that they are real, and genuine buyers.
If someone wants you to hold an item until payday, I suggest you tell them that it’s first come first serve, and encourage them to check back wtih you on payday to see if the item is still available.
For smaller items (a lamp, a camping cot, a camera, a tool), I use a busy parking lot as a meet up point. Say what color car you are in, maybe what color coat you wear. The lot of a CVS or Walgreens in about the right size to be busy, but not so large that you cannot find each other.
For larger items (a couch, bedframe, tool chest), I have the item moved in advance to the garage. I allow the buyer to come to my address, and have another adult at home with me.
If anything does not feel right, cancel the sale, Say you changed your mind. Remove the ad for the time being on Marketplace.
If you get multiple offers immediately, sift through them to determine which seem to be genuine buyers and select one to respond to.
You can ask questions of local law enforcement if something feels weird. They can be very helpful.

Selling on Craig’s List

Everything stated above about selling on Facebook Marketplace also applies to Craig’s List. I’ve had some great luck reaching buyers on Craig’s list too. There are designations for local sales only. I recommend sticking with local selling.

Pets

If you obtain a pet in retirement, by sure to know the expected lifespan on the pet, and hopefully one shorter than your own. It’s not responsible to get a puppy who will live fifteen years if you only live another ten. Unless of course, you have family members or friends who have pledged their support for that animal if you predecease it.

Becoming a foster parent to an animal via a local shelter is a good option for some seniors. Often, the vet bills are handled by the agency, so you only need to feed and love the animal. And there’s automatically a place for the animal to go if you’re no longer able to provide care.

Hobby Items or Collection

Maybe you spent years collecting coins, or stamps, or rocks, or something. Often you can find a buyer through related organizations. If you don’t know any, consider posting on your town’s community board on Facebook or some other site and ask around for information. The collective knowledge of the community might be just the information you need.

Concluding Remarks

The sooner you get started, the more empty space you have in your closets and your garage. And the less burden you lay on those who will clean up after you. It might put some extra cash in your pocket, too.

Check locally, but generally items you sell lower than their original price avoids any tax liability.

Have a bit of fun with all of this! It feels liberating.

Senior College, Senior College Class

Online Dating for Mature Beginners

October 25, 2025December 13, 2025 wendyckasten

Online Dating for Mature Beginners (age 50+)

I met my husband from an online dating site. I was 61 and he was 60. Our first

date was actually at a dog park. We both had dogs, and this way we could see if

the dogs got along. I paid special attention to how he treated his dog.

Our lives together have been full of love, friendship, and growing closer together.

BUT, before I met my husband, I had tried about 15 dating sites (I lost count,

really), had about 50 first dates (conservative underestimate). Along the way, I

made some terrific male friends who I never “dated.” Even found a fabulous

accountant. And some of those friendships persist today. So, you can find

different things along the way before you find that special someone. Here are

things I learned which I would encourage anyone to heed.

Know what you are looking for.

Do you seek friends? A life partner? A

Marriage? One phrase you come across in the online dating world is “open to

possibilities.” I like the flexibility of that idea, as long as you are sincere.

Be clear about what you don’t want. If your partner must be a non-smoker,

of a certain age range, must love pets, etc., say that up front in your profile.

Constructing your profile is important.

For example, one mature friend one friend

decided she would no longer date anyone still raising children. After all, she’d

done that already and was in a different phase of her life. Here are some

things she listed: Must love pets; must be mentally and emotionally healthy;

non-smoker, at least a Master’s degree in educational level; over 5’10’ (men

generally exaggerate their height); have a valid passport. (my reason for the

latter is, if anyone gets to be 60 and never had a passport, then they probably

don’t have much sense of adventure, trying new things, etc.)

Explore a variety of sites. Google dating sites. You will get plenty of hits.

Some cost money, so decide if that’s okay with you. There are good ones that

do not cost anything. I met my husband on “okcupid.com.” It’s free, or was when I used it.

It asks lots

and lots of questions of each person joining. Therefore, you can get to know

lots about someone before deciding they are a potential partner for you. I also

appreciated plentyoffish.com, also free, as they hold local real events and you

can go to a dance where you know everyone there is single. There are sites

specific to the younger, to the older, to the very religious, to people of

particular interests.

Nearly all sites I explored account for same sex dating as well as heterosexual dating. Some sites allow salacious and nude photos.

Decide if that’s for you, or not (caution – in these sites, men often send

pictures of their equipment and not their face).

Some sites have different

“communities” within the site depending on what you are looking for, such as

“dating only,” “relationships only,” or “seeking sex partners only.”

CAUTION:

DON’T SIGN ON TO A SITE WITH AUTOMATIC BILLING UNLESS YOU KNOW

HOW YOU CAN QUIT. WHEN YOU WANT TO QUIT, PRINT AND SAVE THE

EMAIL WHERE YOU STATED YOU WERE QUITTING. BE VIGILANT CHECKING

THE CREDIT CARD YOU USED. YOU MAY NEED IT LATER TO DISPUTE

CHARGES ON YOUR CREDIT CARD. ONE SITE A FRIEND USED REQUIRED

ONE TO QUIT ONLY VIA A CERTIFIED SNAIL MAIL LETTER SENT TO A

FOREIGN ADDRESS!

Construct a good profile.

Use your best writing skills. Say who you are, and

what matters to you. Often you can read profiles before you join and get ideas.

A profile should state things about you, and things you want and do not want.

BEWARE of the profile that is all about what someone is looking for, and

nothing about who THEY are. Here is an example of a good

profile:

SUCCESSFUL PROFESSIONAL SEEKS A PARTNER POSSIBLY FOR A

LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. I AM A (BLANK-YEAR OLD) FEMALE LOOKING

FOR A MALE OF SIMILAR AGE. I AM WELL-EDUCATED, PHYSICALLY FIT,

WITH A LOVE OF NATURE, GARDENING, SPORTS AND TRAVEL. I OWN MY

OWN HOME, HAVE ONE DOG AND ONE CAT, AND TAKE CARE OF AN AGING

PARENT IN MY TOWN. I AM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS

ADVENTUROUS, FUN-LOVING, MENTALLY HEALTHY, AND WITH A GOOD

SENSE OF HUMOR. MY POTENTIAL PARTNER MUST LOVE CHILDREN AND

PETS, BE ONLY A MODERATE DRINKER, NON-SMOKER, BE OVER 5’9″ TALL,

HAVE A KIND HEART AND A GOOD JOB.

In short, consider what you value,

what you love, what you can’t live without, cannot live with, etc. Also, be

careful about asking the impossible. A female colleague wrote her profile and

her list of requirements in a partner and her list had about 25 things on it, AND

the match could not live more than 25 miles away. The site actually asked her,

politely, to remove her profile as they would be unlikely to help

her. One more thing about profiles -lots of guys say “I know how to really

please a woman.” If you come across that one, just remember it’s likely the

most common thing men say. Besides, what pleases me, like a clean house,

breakfast cooked on weekends by someone else – I am guessing that is not

what the guys mean,

Spend time searching profiles.

Many sites do some matching and send you

people they think you might want to consider. Others, you do the leg work

yourself (so to speak). In some sites, you can let someone know you havebeen reading their profile without contacting them directly to see if interest is

returned before proceeding. That might be a good way to get started with

fewer risks. In those cases, you would also be notified of people searching

you.

Meeting up. Here are some MUSTS in my opinion prior to deciding to meet

up.

Ask the potential partner for a real name and real address. Google the

person. While it’s possible they do not have an online presence for

legitimate reasons, more often they do, even if it’s only through work.

Use Google Earth to find out if the address exists.

Check the website of the county in which the potential match resides. Search for the “clerk of court”

and search pending cases and convictions for persons of their name. This is

all public information. A girlfriend was considering meeting a guy and put his

address into Google Earth. The entire road in the address was an industrial

park.

Notice any odd errors in English. While its possible someone is just a

lousy speller, it is more likely someone in Nigeria or Jamaica is running a

scam thinking their English is fine and you won’t notice.

Exchange pictures if they were not already included in the online profile.

Sometimes people request a full picture rather than just a headshot. Decide

if that matters to you or not. It’s a good idea if the picture is fairly current. I

saw lots of pictures with a guy in a tux, probably at a daughter’s wedding, and

cut funny, using a scissors to remove others from a group shot. It’s so easy

these days to snap a decent photo with your smart phone!

Telephone call . I believe it is essential to have a real telephone call or two

or three before you decide to meet (not a chat online, not a text message

exchange, a real phone call). First of all, scammers are less likely to agree to

a call. If you do not enjoy talking on the phone, what is the likelihood you

would enjoy a conversation in person? You can further consider skyping or

such before deciding to meet.

BEWARE OF SOMEONE WHO WILL ONLY

CALL YOU FROM WORK. THERE COULD BE A SPOUSE AT HOME THEY

DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT. USE A CELLPHONE, BECAUSE YOU

CAN BLOCK THE NUMBER IN THE FUTURE IF YOU NEED TO. DO NOT GIVE

YOUR ACTUAL ADDRESS.

I was talking with one guy, an attorney, who only

wanted to get together on a weekday, When I suggested a weekend meet-up,

he was too busy. I finally asked him if he was married. He got quiet and said

yes. “How did you know?” DUH! “Because you only want to get together on

weekdays!” Guys do that! “Oh, he said. “I thought I was the first one to think of

that.”

One of those times I was rolling on the floor laughing for an hour.

The Coffee Date. Tell someone you trust where you are going and when

and ask them to call you DURING THE DATE. Have a code word you say if

you want out of the situation, and your caller feigns an emergency or a need

for you to leave. ALWAYS arrive in your own car, pay for your own

snack or drink. You don’t want, at this point, to owe anyone anything.

DINNER?

Dinner can be excruciatingly long if the person turns out to be

boring or offensive. Once I arrived for a coffee type date at an ice cream

parlor. Apparently the photo I had been provided was 20 years and 50 pounds

out of date. I saw him standing around in the parlor with that “I am looking

for someone” stance. His shirt had slobber down the front and he smelled bad.

So I just got an ice cream and left. I made no eye contact, jut got my chocolate

cone and left.

Beware of the dates who spend the entire time talking about

themselves and not getting to know you. If they are sincere about a

meaningful relationship, they would want to get to know you.

What Next? Wait until you get home to decide if you want to see the person

again. Make no promises during the coffee date. If they ask if you want to go

on a date, say, politely, “I think that is a conversation left until after we have

both had time to consider if we are good match.” I have found that if you

had a genuinely nice time, that good feeling stays with you later that day

or evening. If the other person feels the same way, plan a second simple,

non-committal get together. ALWAYS in a public place. My second date with

one guy was, at my suggestion, in a bookstore which included a cafe.

You can

tell much about a person by what books they look at, which ones generate

conversation about books, writers, interests, etc. Apparently this guy’s only

interest was in getting behind a stack of books where he could put his hands

on me instead of the books. Gee whiz, how adolescent is that?? That’s when

you say you need to go and pay for a new book and get home to let the dog

out.

Bring home the person? It has been my experience that people usually start

initiating intimacy on the third date. So consider carefully if that’s where you

want to go. Otherwise, keep the dates in public places. Beware of a guy who

never lets you see where he lives. Could be lots of reasons for that, and

none of them are good.

Cautionary Tales. I have lots of these.

The partner who starts talking LOVE before it seems logical to do so.

The partner who only is available on weekdays, never weekends. They

are hiding something. Like a wife.

The partner who talks to you lots, but always has excuses not to meet.

He’s hiding something.

The partner who asks for money!!!!!! This is not a developing

relationship, it’s a SCAM. Got that? A SCAM. NO EXCEPTIONS. No “Yes, but

he says he loves me….” That’s CRAP. It’s called catfishing. It is

common. Don’t fall for it. Not even for a New York minute. You ALMOST

got sucked in. Whew, dodged a bullet there. Get over it, move on. Someone

tried that with me. We talked several times on the phone, even skyped. He

said he was too busy to meet, maybe next month. Then he claimed to have

run out of money and needed $1200. right way. I replied, “That’s what

credit cards are for.”

“Oh,” he said, ” my credit card is maxed out, I cannot

use it.”

I brought up that there is travelers aid in most places in the world,

or there are close friends or family, not NOT someone you just met. More

excuses started. I signed off, deleted all messages.

A partner you catch in a lie. Lies are like cockaroaches and rats. Where

there is one, there are many you cannot yet see. Stop all communication. I

was having some nice conversations with a guy named Chaz. In fact, lots of

them. I suggested we meet up during the weekend. He said he could not

drive, he’d hurt his ankle. I accepted that. He called Monday. I asked “How

was your weekend?” He said it was nice, he had visited his mother.

“How did you get there?” I asked. “I drove of course.” he replied.

Here is a guy who does not even keep track of his own lies!

Someone looking to be taken care of. This happens to both men and

women in online dating. The person who cannot tell you exactly what

there job is, or claims to have family money, but their lifestyle doesn’t add

up.

There are women who mooch off men, and men who mooch off

women. Is that what you want? A good friend’s ex-husband is on his third

or fourth family, each time finding a woman with a good job to support him,

having a baby together,and when she starts asking for things, like a

contribution to the mortgage, he moves on. He supports none of these

children from former relationships, and keeps off the radar from Child

Support Enforcement by not working and finding another woman to care

for him.

Anything that does not add up. I dated a nice guy who other than

paying for dinner now and then, never had any money to do anything. He

had a good job. He had no house with a mortgage, no kids to support, and

I knew for a fact he made more money than I did. He lived in an

apartment and leased a car. He had no money saved. He owned nothing. I

could only conclude either he was hiding something, or he’s a dismal

money manager. In either case, not a partner for me.

Don’t act needy. Don’t talk about all your lost loves. If you are divorced

or widowed, mention it, don’t get into it. Don’t dwell on any past

relationship.

Look for patterns. When you are getting to know someone, notice

patterns. How did earlier marriages or relationships end? Did more than

one end the same way? Patterns by middle age are—sort of set in stone.

You are seeing what you are likely to continue to see. Very few

exceptions.

Long Distance Relationships? Dating someone far away can be an

adventure and a learning experience. I dated two very nice men in two

different countries far away. But of course, it is frought with challenges.

You cannot see each other very often. Dates can costs lots of money.

Cultural differences can get in the way. So, I would say know what you are

getting into, whether or not you are willing to mount some challenges,

and are you and the partner willing to consider that a relationship might

mean relocating?

Of course, what people define as long distance varies

greatly. After I decided against pursuing a possible relationship with a

wonderful man in Ireland, I was chatting with someone local. In this case

“local” was 30 miles away. “I am not interested in a long distance

relationship” the match wrote back. I was on the floor laughing about that

one, that 30 miles was considered long distance when my last date had been

4000 miles away.

EXPECTATIONS. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Finding a “match” takes

time. Don’t assume after a few disappointments that there is no one out

there for you. Remember most worthwhile things in life take time. The

word “MATCH” is important (other than the fact it is used in names of

dating sites).

Someone can be great, but not be a MATCH for you. If you

are saying no to an offer of a next date, you can say, “You are nice, but we

are not a match for each other.” That’s kind, honest, and effective. If you

are reading this, then probably this is not your first rodeo. Mature people,

for the most part, are what they are. They are a package deal in a way.

You need to decide if the way they are is acceptable.

When we were all younger, probably we thought we could change our special person into

who we wanted that person to be. And we found out that changing

someone does not work. True, people often change. But not in ways we

may dictate. A male colleague in the midst of a divorce shared that his

soon-to-be ex-wife lamented bitterly that after 8 years of marriage, she was

still unable to get him to change. He was astonished. He was unaware that

his changing was her goal and personal project. And of course, he wondered

why she could not like him the way he was.

WANT TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE? This is one of those things that

sounds better on paper than in real life. If you choose a partner where the

economic differences are great (they have way more money than you),

then you are also giving up economic control.

Does the other person

always get the say in how money is spent? Is money used for control?

How did they get their money? Are they from a rich and spoiled family?

Were they ruthless to workers in the business they built? Did they do

something illegal? Unethical? There are certain personality types among

self-made men and women. Let’s just say they are not Mr. Rogers.If you

choose to date someone with lots of money, proceed really really

carefully. If things go wrong, remember they can afford a better lawyer.

Avoid like the plague anyone who yells at you, who is physically

rough, or gives hints of domestic abuse. Time to implement that exit

strategy. “Excuse me, I have to check on the babysitter, (let the dog out

to pee, whatever).” I was on date with a guy who said he had slapped his

wife a few times, but she deserved it! (last date!)

Men and women date differently. It’s my theory that women date

like they shop for a dress. Browse the racks, the sales, favorite colors

and styles and brands. Then you decide what to take to the dressing

room. And you try somethings on.

Some are an immediate NO. It makes

you look fat, it’s tight, it’s cut funny, etc. Some are maybes – you walk

outside to the bigger mirror, ask someone else what they think, they

point out the pros and cons of the item. You make your purchase, and

even then, you get it home and maybe you decide to return it. You get

the picture!

MEN date more like they are buying a car. They have

decided in advance on a make and model, whether they need four

wheel drive, heated seats, a roof rack, a racing stripe, leather seats –

you get the picture. When they get to the lot, they tell the salesperson

their requirements, they are shown the relevant inventory, take a short

test drive, and done! They got what they wanted. I am not saying this is

good or bad. I think it’s just the way it is. Be aware.

Good luck! I hope your journey, albeit long, may be successful, full of love and

adventure. Stay safe above all (yourself and your money).

rights reserved.

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A Crash Course in Children’s Literature for Writers

December 1, 2024 wendyckasten

I attend lots of meetings and events for SCBWI (Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators). I have noticed that people newer to writing for children don’t know all that much about children’s literature. This is my gift to SCBWI members.

In 2005, I co-authored a textbook on Children’s Literature with Pearson Education, which was moderately successful. So, using my knowledge, I have created here a presentation to fill you in, writers!

HERE GOES: What is children’s literature?

Children’s Literature (fiction, nonfiction, poetry, traditional literature) is roughly defined as preschool through about age 14 -ish. In schooling, that includes older preschool (3-5 year-olds); Elementary School, and Middle School (which can include Grade 8). Literature written for kids older than middle school is called “Young Adult.” YA is a bit more sophisticated, more complex, often contains more mature content (like romance, drugs, sex). It is important to understand however, that these divisions are somewhat artificial and approximate, because younger kids may get into YA books before they are 14 years old.

FIRST OF ALL – FICTION VS. NONFICTION

FICTION – A MADE-UP STORY, WRITTEN IN NARRATIVE (AS OPPOPSED TO EXPOSITORY) The confusing thing is that the word FICTION is also used to denote something untrue. Fiction, as the literary genre is not factual, but it is full of many truths. Fiction is sometimes called “Human Experience in Narrative.” I got that definition from Katherine Paterson. The lady us brilliant. In addition to her credible list of award-winning books, check out her essays, writers. THE GATES OF EXCELLENCE and THE SPYING HEART.

NONFICTION – Books that are factual, informational, generally written in expository text (as opposed to narrative). Nonfiction often includes things like: A Table of Contents, Chapter Headings, Subheadings, Index, Glossary, Bibliography (although some fiction has bibliographies)

Caption: Children’s Literature is not that old. Historically, publishers did no believe that books for children were a viable market. Exceptions were Beatrix Potter and her Peter Rabbit series, or A,A, Milne with this four books around a Winnie the Pooh toy bear. Theodore Geisel was hired by a company making reading textbooks for children to write for the “basal reader.” He instead published his creation as a trade book. The notion here was to write with a limited or controlled vocabulary to support developing readers. The field of children’s literature got a big boost from Dr. Seuss (Geisel). When this came out in the 1950’s, it sold very well.

Most books which have been written since the beginning of the printing press are NONFICTION. Library cataloguing systems are designed to organize and access nonfiction. There are SOOOO many categories such as:

Books on a topic (any topic imaginable)
Biographies
Autobiographies, memoir
Dictionaries and other reference books
Cookbooks
How-to books
Atlases
Encyclopedias
Instructional textbooks
Telephone directories (when that was a big deal)
Any kind of directory
Instructional manuals
Photo Essay

This a bit confusing? When in doubt to determine if a book is nonfiction or fiction, go to the COPYRIGHT PAGE in the book where you find the date and all that, and it will tell you.

“Juvenile Literature” means nonfiction.

“Juvenile fiction” means fiction

Either may contain “keywords” that relate to content.

THESE AWARD-WINNING NOVELS ARE HISTORICAL FICTION, BASED ON THE AUTHOR’S FAMILY HISTORY, BUT THEY ARE STILL FICTION AS THEY PRIMARILY TELL A STORY.

Form vs. Genre

Genre is based on what the book is about. Nonfiction is a genre. Subgenres within nonfiction are biography, manuals, reference books, informational books, guides, etc.

Fiction is a genre with a bunch of subgenres. Contemporary Realistic fiction is set in the present. Historical fiction is set in the past (where that past begins depends on the age of the readers and the intent of the writer, and the age of the book. Little Women is now historical fiction because it’s been around so long, but it was contemporary fiction when Louisa May Alcott wrote it. Fantasy is a story containing magical or supernatural elements, such as magical objects, time travel – anything not possible in real life. Science Fiction is speculative imagining a scene, place, or future time with differing technologies or worlds. Science fiction MUST be rooted in sound and accepted scientific theory (or else it is fantasy). The generations of Star Trek on television is a common example of science fiction, as their ships, stories, and encounters have been theorized.

There are subgenres in adult fiction that do not appear in children’s literature: Romance, Horror, would be two examples.

FORM is how the book is presented. A novel is a FORM. Poetry is a FORM. A Pop-up book is a FORM. AND a PICTURE BOOK is a FORM.

A picture book could be POETRY if the text is one long poem.

A picture book could be Nonfiction biography is its about Nelson Mandela, or Barack Obama, or Florence Nightengale,

A picture book could be Traditional literature is it’s the retelling of an old folk tale, or other traditional story, such as The Three Little Pigs, or The Blind Man and the Elephant, or Brer Rabbit, or the Legend of the Bluebonnet (flower).

A picture book can be a Alphabet book, which is a nonfiction form. The topic of the alphabet book might vary greatly.

A picture book could be a charming made-up story, which many of them are, such as Strega Nona, or Click Clack Moo.

A picture book could be Historical fiction, loosely based on something real in history, such as Train to Somewhere.

MORE ABOUT THE FORM CALLED THE PICTURE BOOK

A true picture book has 32 pages. This is because it is comprised of to signatures of large paper that has been folded into 8ths, using both sides makes 16 pages, two signatures add up to 32 pages. This applies to hard over editions which generally have a sewn binding, a rigid spine, and endpapers. These features are lost in paperback editions, which accounts for the differences in price.

Endpapers are not counted in the 32 pages. One side of the endpaper is pasted into the front cover. Same in the back. Endpapers are normally a different kind of paper, and may be plain, or decorated to accompany the theme of the book.

Picture Books rarely have more than 1200 words. For younger readers, a few hundred words is common. There are exceptions.

Picture book are illustrated AND in a high quality picture book, the expectation is that the art and the text work together to create the nuance of this unique form.

It is common for picture book writers to submit their work, and for the editor at the publishing house to choose the illustrator. Often, authors do not see illustrations prior to publication. The illustrators are given license to bring their own creativity and expertise to the text – making the final product a unique collaboration.

Some folks are both authors and illustrators. Typically, the text of the book is accepted for publication without the illustrations, or with only a sample of the illustrations.

Caption: These are all picture books, but represent different genres in the writing. Planting the Tres of Kenya is nonfiction; Big Anthony is fiction – a charming made-up story; Same with Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus. While One Candle is historical, telling of memories of the holocaust; Willie and the All-stars is a story but Floyd Cooper tells about segregation in sports; The Greatest Power is an Asian folktale retold by Demi; Gingerbread Baby (Brett) builds on the folktale of the Gingerbread boy, but is a made up story. Picture Books have different trim sizes. Note several have “landscape orientation” and others have “portrait orientation.” These design decisions are generally made at the publishing house, along with the selection of paper, layout, etc.

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Giving Away Books

February 27, 2023 wendyckasten

Giving Away Books

Those of us who have been reading all our lives, loving books, and accumulating books sooner or later have a problem. We have shelved our books like trophies, showing our tastes, tugging at our hearts, reluctant to part with them.

Here’s the problems.

We get old.

We run our of space to store them?

There’s a limit to how many bookshelves any home can hold.

Who’s going to clean up all the books when we have to go to a nursing home? Or, when we pass on?

I found a solution!!!!!

Here is Maine, libraries are locally funded. Therefore, some towns have a library and some do not. Usually when a town has no library, it takes the determination of concerned book-loving citizens to get one going.

That’s what happened here, in this county. A group of fiercely determined women made a library, where there was none. AND, they,

Made two AIRBNB units above the library to generate income to support it.
They made the library available to serve not just one, or two library-less towns, but SIX! Yes, the people (and children) in 6 Maine towns now have a library where before they had none.

Of course, they have an inviting children’s room. SOOO, I have been donating them many, many books from my home. Here’s the thing:

These books have been sitting behind glass for years.

Now, they are getting into the hands of children and their families.

They can get requested by intern-library loan – anywhere in Maine.

The miracle library in question is located in Unity, Maine. It’s lovely, and welcoming, and most importantly – OPEN! Staffed by volunteers.

Now, retired booklovers. What matters more – books on your shelves, or books available to be read by others?

I feel certain my books are happier.

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Going somewhere? How to pack and prepare for traveling

November 14, 2022March 4, 2023 wendyckasten

Traveling is exciting – but it requires some planning. After all, we want to be comfortable away from home. Here, I outline some of my own rules for packing – learned after 50 countries, 22 trips to Europe, 5 to Asia, and lots of places in between (not to mention a thousand conventions and conferences within the United States).

Traveling for business or leisure (or a combined trip) has some things in common and a few differences. I will address as many as I can. NO matter what sort of trip is coming up, one thing that applies to all packing, and is your first critical decision is…shoes.

SHOES

You will be miserable if your feet hurt. And I would caution against buying any new shoes, unless you are weeks away from departure, and you can really really break them in and ensure they will not give you blisters or worse.

Decide on the right sort of shoes for the trip. They must be comfortable and versatile.
Never travel with ONLY the shoes you are wearing in transit. Something could happen to your shoes. Like stepping in bubble gum on a sidewalk. Like having your feet swell and the shoes become too tight.
Packing a pair of flip-flops is a good idea. You can wear them in the shower if needed, to the pool, as bedroom slippers, or home if suddenly your shoes do not fit (Yup, that happened to me – all the way home from Greece. Good thing it was not winter).
You may need one pair of shoes for a special event, like a reception. Shoes take up lots of space, especially for men, so consider carefully.

COLOR SCHEME

Plan your clothes in a color scheme, so mostly everything can go with mostly everything else. Most things in your suitcase should be versatile, with the possible exception of some special outfit for a big event (like if you are accepting an award, or chairing something fancy). Here are some suggestions.

For women – a scheme of black and white with an accent like pink or teal; blue and white with a few red accents.
For men – A palette like navy and khaki; Consider one very nice blazer, in either tan or blue with pants and shirts favoring the other color. Other schemes might be blue and gray, for example, or black and tan.

PLANNING THE WARDROBE

You will need one outfit per activity day -but some items will be used more than once. Then, one way to dress up if needed (especially if it’s unexpected); one way to dress down for exercise or the ride home. If you are gone for more than one week, plan on getting laundry done once per week. All hotels offer laundry services. If you are in an rural eco-setting, pack soap to wash essentials. This keeps your luggage light.

Start with something to sleep in. A raincoat could double as a bathrobe. Flip flops could be slippers.
Always have one extra shirt in case someone spills their wine on you, or a waiter trips and spills fish sauce on your clothing.
If that blazer or sport jacket is leather – it is easily wiped off if something spills. A good investment for traveling.
Women travelers – carrying a wool or pashmina shawl can serve multiple functions. Throw it over your coat for added warmth on a chilly evening; Throw it over yourself on the airplane when the air is too much; it’s available to create an evening wear outfit if needed.
Consider the fabrics in your wardrobe. Many travel fabrics require no ironing. Silk is a wonderful fabric for travelers – men and women. It has minimal wrinkling, can be warm or cool, and dries quickly in a hotel bathroom overnight when needed. It takes up very little room in a suitcase. If purchasing something new in silk, wash it prior to travel to ensure it does not shrink. Travel catalogues like Travelsmith and Magellan offer helpful travel clothing and gear.
Dress for where you are going. Consider the weather, temperature, and customs. For example, in much of Africa, local women never wear pants. In much of Europe, only children wear shorts – not adult men and women.
A lightweight packable tote bag – not just for shopping (many places in the world do not offer plastic or paper bags for shoppers); but for long touring days, it can hold a water bottle, and other things you need with you for the day.
Consider packing one plastic hanger, a length of string or bungy cord, a hand-sized towel.
Anything liquid should be within a zip-lock bag.
Nail clippers could also cut a tag, or piece of tape if needed.
A small roll of duct tape. Your luggage could become damaged in transit. Duct tape will generally help it get home in one piece.
For women especially, don’t pack a suitcase you cannot easily lift. There isn’t always help available.
DO YOU NEED A HAT? Many places you go, hats are important. Consider packing a crushable hat.
For traveling into buggy places with mosquitoes, for example, consider acquiring some insect repelling clothing carried by most outdoor clothing vendors, such as L.L. Bean.

PLANNING THE PERSONAL ITEMS.

These are different for every individual. What medicines are needed? Toiletries? Makeup? These things will help determine if you are comfortable on your trip.

Medicines – Make sure you have what you need. Any controlled substances need to be in their original containers. Pills – have always 1 or 2 extra in case one drops onto a floor, or you are delayed getting home. With any medicine, be sure your supply is ample to accommodate delays, and accessible in transit. I like to arrange vitamins for each day in little “pill pouches” available at most drug stories. They are about 2 inches by 2 inches in size. These pouches can also hold just a few of something you need sometimes – like tylenol, or advil. Sharpie markers write well on these pouches.

Traveling Outside the United States? You could be sensitive to local water. In a developing country, water may not be safe for travelers. Ask your primary care provider for a prescription of CIPRO, which you would take if you ingest unsafe water by accident. Ask questions about the water where you are going. Drink bottled water where the cap is still clearly factory sealed.

ALL important items must be stowed in your carry-on bag (which of course may end up under a seat or in an overhead space in transit). Especially medicines. If you are traveling for business, and there’s a presentation in your near future, or meeting, have what you need in your carry-on.

DUCT TAPE – Real silvery duct tape comes in a small version, same width, but not very much tape on the roll. Consider packing some. I cannot begin to list the possible uses for duct tape during travel. One example, would be if your suitcase zipper busts. You may not be in a place to buy a new suitcase.

SUNSCREEN – For those on outdoor adventures, and even just touring around a town, sunscreen is an important protection. The tricky part is that it often comes in containers too large for the 3-1-1 bag. Look around for small containers of a good quality sunscreen product.

Caption: Many suitcases look alike. A bright tag can help your luggage be recognizable. Make sure the information on the tag (hidden here for security) is up to date.

THE CARRY ON BAG

Traveling far? To an remote area? Put one change of underwear and a clean shirt in your carry-on bag, sealed in plastic, perhaps lining the bottom. Luggage can get lost. The farther you go, the better chance of its delay.

Remember to avoid anything prohibited by TSA if traveling by air. Carry a small container of clean water (after you have been through security), snack foods (schedules are subject to delays), anything you need to remain comfortable. I pack a book, a small notebook, pen, hand cream, chap stick, a paper towel or handkerchief (yes, they still make them), tissues, phone, items for entertainment (like ear buds; crosswords). Some frequent travelers always carry a sleep aid, in order to adjust to time changes more quickly (by getting to sleep when it’s time).

Probably you don’t need a full container of most things. Often people buy a new bottle of shampoo for a trip, for example. Unless you bought the little travel size, you probably don’t need that much shampoo. Instead of packing a full container, pack a nearing-empty container, which can be disposed of in transit.

The little zip-loc types bags are available in most pharmacy stories. You may want to pack some just-in-case Tylenol, or Advil, or Melatonin. Or, use these to organize vitamins you take daily. A sharpie pen can write on the plastic. See the photo.

Caption: Packing a small amount of stuff you may need to be comfortable and to stay well is a good idea. Many people have difficulty sleeping during travel, especially after a long flight. Consider something to help with sleep if you believe you may need it.

The longer the trip, the more likely delays. Have some food with you. Nuts, granola bars, dried fruit are all good options if they work for your diet needs.

Caption: I would never begin a long trip without some food in my carry-on. Sometimes I have been delayed for a long time in a place where no vending is available, such as a plane sitting on a runway waiting for a backed up queue for departure.

IF you are presenting shortly after you arrive, or have other business responsibilities, everything you need for the meeting or presentation needs to be in that carry-on, such as your laptop, ipad, USB drives (always prepare more than one, they can break after your first presentation when you have four more to go).

Caption: In this picture, note the tiny plastic zip-loc type bags useful for packing small amounts of pills.

THE 3-1-1 BAG

For air travel, the 3-1-1 bag is required by TSA for liquids and gels. Check your airline website for details. If you take liquid medicines, like eye drops, that bag can get filled real fast. Often health food markets carry hair shampoo that comes in a bar like regular soap, and therefore does not need to go into that little bag. Any liquids in your luggage should be additionally secured with a plastic bag in case caps fall off. This only applies to luggage which is checked. If you carry on your small suitcase which fits in the overhead bin, then your ONLY liquids and gels are in the carry-on bag.

POWER DIFFERENCES

United States small appliances will probably not work in countries outside North America. Travel sites sell step down chargers/adapters (which convert the power) and outlet plugs with the correct configuration of pins. If you skip the charger, you may ruin your appliance (tablet, razor, hair curler, phone, etc.).

THE LUGGAGE

Whatever sort of luggage you select, the same principles apply.

First, anything in packaging takes up more space that the items alone. Foe example, perhaps you bought insoles for the trip, and they are still in the box. Or maybe you bought last minute tylenol, and the bottle is also in a box.

The more structured the container, the more space it uses. Things in pouches that can flatten out are better options.

Plastic bags with baffles can be useful. Some travelers put each outfit, or at least clean shirts in one of these. You lay the garment flat as possible in the bag, which in the case of a dress shirt would be carefully folded to avoid wrinkles. Then, you roll up the bag. The baffle lets out air, making the finished back very flat. See the photo.

Caption: These bags are a good tool for travelers. One photo shows one empty, the other with a shirt inside. They are available in travel stories.

The principle for packing most stuff is the least amount of folds possible. In other words, do NOT fold tops. Fold pants minimally. Lay things in one at a time, folding over a sleeve for example, but keeping most things flat.

There are travelers who believe strongly that rolling items is a better idea. You decide.

Pack your suitcase at LEAST the night before, and stand it up. Gravity will pack things down and give you a bit more space.

It’s not a bad idea to pack the suitcase well in advance, to ensure the things you need fit, then take it apart, and repack it with what you really need.

MONEY, SAFETY, SECURITY

Always have some local cash, especially if you are going far. You may need something right away, like a bottle of water, or a luggage cart, which can only be purchased in the local currency.

Nearly all credit cards work around the world – as long as you inform your card company of your plans. Generally a phone number on back of the card will give you access to the information you need.

Some cards charge still fees for foreign transactions. Check to see if your card does, because you may need a different card for travel.

Caption: Pouches like this with multiple compartments work well for packing jewelry, or dealing with multiple currencies. They use less space that rigid containers.

Always travel with at least two credit cards in case one is lost, stolen, or stops working. Keep them in two entirely different places. Have your card numbers and those needed phone numbers on the back of the card in a location you can access while you travel. Some folks put all this in an email to themselves. Inform your credit card company you will be traveling- using the phone number on the back of the card.

Cash machines, which go by different names, are available in most areas of the world. Consult your bank to ensure which ones will work prior to departure. You may need to swipe or insert your card to gain access to a money kiosk which is secured behind locked doors. Take out cash before venturing into a remote or rural area where machines are less likely available (such as on an African safari, or exploring the Australian outback).

In transit – especially if you may want to nap, consider carrying money, cards, passport, and anything else critical in a pouch you wear all the time – even tucked inside clothing.

Caption: This money pouch goes around your waste and slips under clothing.

NEVER leave a purse, briefcase, backpack, camera case, or tote bag unattended while you sleep or move around.

Women travelers – NEVER hang your purse on your chair back in a restaurant. Place it at your feet, keeping one handle around a foot, or ankle. Pickpocketing and petty theft are common in some countries.

NEVER leave your purse at the table when you go to a buffet in a restaurant unless you leave it with a trusted person who knows it must be attended carefully. A common tactic among thieves is for a group to enter a restaurant and cause a distraction, and while you are looking to see what’s going on, someone else is collecting purses, wallets, cameras, etc.

Caption: Here are some wearable items to carry valuables around your neck at all times (except when going through Airport security).

PASSPORTS and VISAS

All foreign countries require passports that are current, do not expire within 6 months, and have empty pages for stamping. Some frequent travelers must visit a consulate to have pages added.

Some countries require VISAS in addition to passports. Sometimes you must apply in advance and pay a fee. Sometimes you pay a fee at the airport when you arrive and your passport is stamped (but not the same line you waited in to have your passport checked and stamped upon arrival). Check in advance how things work.

It can be fun to accumulate lots of stamps from around the world.

HOTELS AND OTHER ACCOMODATIONS

Staying at an interesting hotel is great fun when traveling. Know in advance that credit cards are often charged in advance for a booked stay in most countries outside the United States, even long before departure. Changes in itinerary, such as a delayed flight – you will probably still be charged, and there is nothing you can argue about. Never use a debit card for a hotel booking, as the card will cease to work until after your departure. (And debit cards for no enjoy any protection under U.S. Law, which credit cards do).

Two-star properties (**) are often a good value. They maybe family owned, quaint, and less expensive. Travel memberships, such as Best Western, Choice, Starwood, Hilton Honors can assist you in making bookings and, when it’s time, to use your bonus points.

Bed and Breakfast Inns are often a delight, with quaint accommodations and helpful innkeepers. When choosing alternate accommodations such as “Home Away” or “AirB&B” or VRBO, it is important to keep in mind you may have little or no contact with anyone in hospitality – no one to make recommendations, help you know where to go, where not to go, help with your return flights, assistance if you lose your purse, luggage, or are the victim of a crime like pickpocketing.

TRAIN and BUS TRAVEL

Train and bus travel are sometimes a better value than air travel between countries. Europe, for example, observes First and Second class distinctions and prices on trains. Be sure you know in advance what countries your train crosses, as some borders stop trains and demand additional fares in cash from travelers. The cleanliness and condition of land travel transportation in various countries can be different. Guide books and sites can inform you in advance of what you need to know.

TAXIS

Taxi service varies greatly around the world. Much of it is unmetered. In other words, you don’t know how much the ride costs until you arrive at your destination. Consider asking your hotel for help calling a taxi, finding out the exact price in advance, and have exact cash prepared. Many taxis around the world do not have the capability to take credit cards and other online entities, such as Venmo.

Tipping is almost universally expected in taxis wherever you travel.

One common Taxi scam if, for example, you give the driver a $20 (or equivalent in local currency, for them to hide the $20 and claim you only gave them a $10 (which they have conveniently handy). If you suspect a driver, take a photo of the driver and the license tag as you depart the vehicle. Some countries have tourist police dedicated to keeping visitors safe.

Know Before You Go!!

EATING AND DRINKING

Sampling local foods is a joyful part of traveling. Be thoughtful about what you put in your mouth. Lower GI distress has ruined many a vacation or business trip.

If water locally is unsafe, eat things like soft boiled eggs rather than scrambled (they may have added water); bottled wine or soda or beer; well cooked meats. Do NOT order drinks with ice cubes, mixed cocktails, or salad (it was washed in local water). Cooked veggies are probably all right. Always ask if the water is safe for brushing your teeth. In a city like St. Petersburg, Russia, for example, the mass graves from World War II have leeched into the water supply, making the water non-potable for teeth or anything on your face, but suitable for showering (if you can keep water out of your eyes and mouth).

Hot coffee and hot tea are generally safe.

Caption: A travel purse, day pack, or tote bag may be a good choice – especially on with a place for a water bottle – for activities during the day. This needs to be packable into your luggage for women, as this would count as your carry on, and it probably doesn’t hold enough for that purpose.

Consult a guidebook to find out about tipping is restaurants. In Australia, for example, servers earn real wages and are not supported by any tips. In other countries where tips may be expected, they must be cash and not added to a credit card.

Once you’re out of a big city, vendors and hotel workers may speak little or no English. Be careful ordering, and never assume something where you are is the same as back home.

Example 1 – I was eating at a nice restaurant in Cape Town,South Africa and a teacher friend ordered Ostrich steak. She didn’t like it, so asked for something else. She was shocked when she was charged for both meals. The server pointed out she had eaten some of it, and they could not resell the ostrich steak. She had to pay for it. Another person at the table requested A-1 steak sauce with her steak. The server had no idea what she was talking about. This product did not exist in South Adrica.

Example 2 -In a small danish village, the menu was arranged by numbers, and each number was a complete three course meal – no mixing and matching. My co-traveler wanted the broccoli from Number 1, the meat from number 2, the dessert from number 3 and something else from meal number 4. If it was even an option to mix and match, certainly the server knew little or no English and my dear friends was brought all four complete meals. The table wasn’t even big enough for all four plates (and I had already ordered just a single meal). We still laugh about this today. It was an expensive lesson because, of course, she had to pay for all of them.

TOILETS

I cannot express my surprise the first time I went into a public restroom (I was in Singapore) and opened the door of the cubicle, and there was nothing but a hole in the floor. So you don’t feel like an idiot, the protocol is you stoop over the hole, facing the door. Paper is sometimes provided. Hard on knees!

It’s a great idea to always carry tissues or a partial roll of toilet paper wherever you go. In many places, rest rooms have an attendant, and you are expected to put some local coins into a dish on the sink. Still other places (like Thailand, for example), you purchase a small wad of toilet paper prior to entering the cubicle.

Some public restrooms will have one cubicle with a traditional toilet, if you know to look. There may even be a picture of a toilet on a door.

Carrying hand sanitizer is another good idea. Soap may or may not be available.

I have often thought a great title for a travel book would be “Fifty Ways to Flush a Toilet.” You may have to really look around to find how to flush. It could be something above you, on the floor (something to step on), behind the toilet – anywhere. Or, in a rural area, it might be a scoop and a pail of water.

CUSTOMS

This topic is enough for a course. I strongly recommend consulting and reading a guidebook before you travel. Often, guidebooks are available to download to your kindle app on your phone.

One thing I will mention is especially for unmarried women traveling without a male partner. Marriage is so strong in many cultures that single women make no sense to local people – especially in African countries, Middle Eastern countries, and anywhere where the Muslim faith is dominant.

Ladies, consider going to an estate jeweler and purchase yourself a simple wedding ring and wear it during travel depending on where you are going. I do not think men need to be concerned with this.

Other customs to read about in advance: tipping, restaurant manners and protocols (such as you may never be handed a bill for your dinner until you request it).

ATTITUDES

Be a humble traveler. Never talk down to local people. They will notice. Never act like you are better than anyone else because maybe you have more money than local folks. Treat everyone you meet with respect. Don’t be surprised if they know immediately where you are from. Clothes, shoes, jewelry, and even smiling are all cues to locations (Lots of folks are not smiley, which may have to do with the condition of their teeth, or just what is locally normal).

GESTURES

Be careful what you do with your hands in a foreign country. Giving a thumbs up, for example, may be something sexual. Observe what local people do.

Caption: This gesture in the US means “okay.” In Turkey, it means you are a gay man looking for a partner, according to one informant.

DECLARATIONS

Jewelry, scarves, bookmarks, throw pillow covers, table linens are all very packable for the trip home. If you intend to buy art, consider packing a collapsible art tube. Most things can be shipped home of course. Something breakable? Either pack it separately and carry it on, or embed it in your own clothing for the journey home. A decorative plate or tray can be slipped about in the middle of your suitcase so it is cushioned from the top and bottom.

In countries selling carpets, I have been informed the carpets are considered art and are not dutiable. Check with locals to find out what is considered art, and what is not dutiable.

On the return from a long trip, I make a list on paper, such as in a travel journal or on your phone, of all my purchases with approximate prices (because they may have been purchased in a different currency). Save receipts from a larger purchase, such as gold jewelry. I think overall, it’s a good idea to be honest with the customs desk when you return home.

Once I brought home a great deal of books. I explained to the customs agent they were for educational purposes, he waived the duty.

When you read this, you may want to share some travel anecdotes on the comments. Please feel free. I will love reading them.

Radio Essays

The Pearls

July 3, 2022July 3, 2022 wendyckasten

The Pearlshttps://archives.weru.org/?s=The+Pearls

W.C. Kasten

The last week of June, 2006 was one of excruciating ups and downs. My brother Tom and I were waiting for our mother to die. Nurses said it wouldn’t be long. Meanwhile Tom, his wife and the entire family were also expecting the birth of their first grandchild – a girl.

Mom died the 22^nd of June. Local law required a wait of 5 days for cremation. So, on June 27, we got the call at 10:15 am that the cremation was complete, and to come and collect the ashes. Around 10:30, everyone got the call that Paige Elizabeth had been born.

“I wonder,” I said to myself, “if they passed each other in the light, in the space between life and death?” Days later, my sister-in-law organized a get together in remembrance of Mom. My job was to transport our frail and deeply grieving father to the event. On one side of the room, a laptop showed pictures of Mom’s life. On the other side, another laptop showed first pictures of a birth. We sat Dad down and put his first great grandchild in his arms. It gave him a brief recess in his grief, and perhaps the last time we saw him smile.

Once the dust settled, I made an appointment with my favorite medium, Cynthia. I’d been out of town when Mom had passed. So I really hadn’t said goodbye. I hoped to reach her through Cynthia, the same medium who had predicted a girl was coming to the family long before the parents made an announcement.

I had another question for Cynthia. Since Mom never met her great granddaughter, I bought a lovely red leather box, and put in it some things for Paige that belonged to her great grandmother. A sort of time capsule. I made Dad write something to put in the box, as he liked to write, and he needed things to do to get his mind off his grief. I found one of Mom’s music boxes she’d collected, and put it in the box. Mom loved Madame Alexander dolls, and I’d bought her the one named “Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary,” because her name was Mary. That went into the box. I was struggling with what else to put in the box, which would be put away until Paige’s 16^th birthday.

On the day of my session, according to Cynthia, Mom appeared to her immediately after an opening prayer, like she’d been expecting me. Her presence made me grab a wad of tissues. I told her about the box, and what would she’d like to have in it. Cynthia said she began talking so fast, it was hard to hear.

“She’s saying something about pearls, or a pearl, does this make sense to you?”

“Oh yes, I know exactly what she is talking about.”

No one living knows that my mother gave me her strand of graduated pearls on my 16^th birthday. They had been a gift to her, from her oldest brother in 1934, who by then was a working adult, and who indulged his only sister, for her 16^th birthday.

As soon as I got home, I took the pearls to a jeweler to be restrung and cleaned. I put them into the box. The box is hidden in a closet in Paige’s home. On June 27, 2022, Paige will turn 16. She will get the box from her Great Grandmother, and I hope to be there.

Wendy C. Kasten

P.S. July 3, 2022

Last Monday, Paige turned 16. In order to be there, I had to board a god-awful early plane from Portland, Maine to Baltimore, rent a car, and rent a room. But last Monday on the 27th, we gathered family at a favorite family restaurant. Some of us were with Paige Saturday evening, June 25th, which her Dad, Peter decided was a better atmosphere to open the box. Paige seemed pleased. And for her birthday dinner on June 27, she wore the pearls. I gave her a photograph of her Great Grandmother Mary taken when Mary was in high school – wearing the pearls.